Updated: Nov 18
I was anxious for two years before turning 40. This is 6 years back. I am 46 now.
My attitude and feelings changed or evolved towards many aspects of my life. Some that I experienced and can recall are:
a. I give up trying to be as fit as a sportsman in his 30s. I am too old. I am more accommodative about my workouts. Distance covered by running, walking, or cycling is not relevant anymore or a benchmark of fitness anymore. I am ok working out indoors too. Focused on cardio for a year and a half and since a week or so I am into yoga and stretching. So loving the middle-aged exercise regime.
b. The urge to share or speak my mind is gone. I am happy staying within myself. Is it I am accepting not to trust anyone including myself?
c. I know what I don't like about work, routine life, travel, or reading or anything else in my life. I believe knowing what I don't like is better than knowing what I like. This is because I may still continue to be open for newness in my life as I will say NO to what I don't like.
d. I am not trying to impress anyone or trying to be too good at my own discomfort to be liked by someone else. I will not be selfish, though.
e. Empathy is a word I relate to the most. What depresses me is sounding rude when angry. But this is changing too. I rarely go very angry.
f. My mind still gets angry about simple things- whether while driving, at work, or home. But I am able to realize and then talk to my mind about giving up this habit. It is energy draining for self.
g. I am withdrawn. I am accepting my limitations. I am less worried about future.
h. I have accepted that I will be forgotten after I die. It happens to all of us.
i. I question the rationale of hell or heaven or life after death.
j. I am worrying less.