How is it to be middle-aged?

At 42 and fast approaching 43, I feel running out of time. My body is changing fast. The metabolism has slowed down considerably. I need to exercise a lot harder to be in shape. I have been adding a kilogram to my weight with every passing year since I turned 40. Bordering on being termed Obese as per BMI, I am getting conscious about my looks.

I was a shy kid and had long hair. Born in a Sikh family, my mother combed and twisted my hair, akin to a rope, tying them as a knot in the center of my head. Then she wrapped a scarf around my head, covering my head full with the last knot of the scarf around my Juda. I looked at the mirror after my hairdo, checking whether the knot is in the center of my head. My mother laughed and, at times, got irritated when I asked her to redo the knot. I was also conscious about large ears peeping out from sides of my head. A pointed nose, broad forehead, and long slim face made my ears look even more prominent. It took a decade post attaining puberty to forget about my ears. I had got my hair cut, and now I was styling my short hair by combing them straight backwards.

Those days of shyness are back and this time with the paunch that seems too visible when turned sideways. I turn right and then left, sideways in front of my mirror, just like a young woman gazing at herself in the mirror. I continue to loose a few millimeters of hair from the forehead s and I am certain to look like an elder version of Supandi in couple of years. My waist is 36 inches when measured around naval though I cheat on myself to measure the width lower around hips where it is a couple of inches lesser. Tight fitting jeans do not suit me anymore both from the style and personal comfort perspective. Forget tight jeans, I have transitioned to boxers briefs from briefs. And may soon prefer boxers in summers over boxer briefs. Strangely, the comfort has a new perspective altogether for me. With risk of untimely erection fading, boxers seem to be the right choice showcasing mysef to be in control of activity between my legs.

I am still attracted to opposite gender but with a difference. In my youth, I believed every female was different and had something unique which I was curious to know about. Today though, I do not see any difference in them. Most seem to react, tempt, think, talk, and react in the same way. I can enjoy the company of female friends but with no expectations. When it comes to being in bed, I am inclined to, but selectively unlike in my younger days.

I am termed cool by my younger colleagues at work. My family thinks me to be thoughtful and balanced. But deep inside in my heart, I am in flux. My feelings are as restless, infact even more than in my teenage years. Yes, I am middle-aged and trying hard to accept the fact.