I am a loner who desires socializing on my own terms. I call, engage, and interact with anyone I feel like. But if I’m not in the mood, I prefer to stay aloof—not alienated, just solitary by choice.
My approach to socializing is fundamentally based on “not trusting,” despite countless testimonials and decades of love and affection. I prefer a carefree and effortless interaction, without overthinking. I explain this behavior to myself as “mentor but ensure you don’t sound ‘controlling.’”
If I critique myself further, it might be about trying to find or explain the “logic” behind my reactions or behavior. Or maybe it’s a way to fool myself and others into thinking, “I don’t give a fuck, beyond a point.” It’s my way or the highway.
The moment I hear this in my mind, I become restless and uneasy. I might come across as rude, but perhaps I’m struggling to accept that I am.
I’m not entirely sure what this all means, but one thing is clear: this is a deeply personal affair.
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