Something is not letting me be happy. I am again failing to be happy with what I have. Why am I resistant to constraints? Why can’t I realize that they are all part of life?
I want my kids to be doing what is best for them. I want them to study well, be disciplined and acquire skills as early as possible. I want my spouse to be free to shop her heart out. But then why am I feeling that its waste of time for her to shop for so long? I did not give reasons for not doing it but did not visit my family friends when they lost their mother. But I know it makes me unhappy. I know worshipping is a soulful experience. It gives me pleasure, peace of mind and calmness. But then I am not praying at all and that makes me unhappy. I know its too late in this life but I want to pursue a course in photo journalism. I am trying hard to not let it make me unhappy. I want to be doing things that I love to. I am trying hard and also putting a great deal of perseverance to shift my priorities between work ( that helps make my living), photography, writing, reading and sports. But then its time that I limit my attention to just a couple non-conflicting interests. This means I need to sacrifce a few of them but this thought makes me unhappy.
Of late, I am interested in impact of behavioral economics on decision-making. Pyschology is a subject too complex and varied and I now relate to it to be better at knowing myself. But this realization that it may be late makes me unhappy. I miss so many people I have known, who cared for me but then not being in touch with them makes me unhappy. I want this phase of unhappiness pass quicky but then it may and will keep returning if I act less and think more. And till that happens, I will be unhappy and happy in turns.