I know why I am unhappy. Is it so?
Photography is something that I love doing but when I fail to see a marked improvement in the quality of picture clicked, I am unhappy.
On August 16, the day after we celebrated our independence day in India, I visited Red Fort in Old Delhi for clicking some pictures. This was after a gap of 45 days post my 15 day trip to Leh.
None of the clicks met the basic norms of a good photograph. The subject in my clicks was misplaced, framing was wrong and some were simply poor clicks even if they met the basic rules.
All if this is causing me unhappiness. But when I introspect in detail the problem is somewhere else. I list the reasons first that come to my mind (under the assumption that I KNOW):
A. I am unhappy because I am not able to action on the initiative taken. When I stepped out today morning to click, I knew that I am out to click but then at every instance of a potential frame or a moment that could be captured, I did not stop or wait to click.
B. I am unhappy since I know and very well remember my past mistakes but still hesitated to stop and correct them.
Comtinuing my experience of today morning, I hesitated at most moments to even take out the camera from the bag.
C. I am unhappy for failing to live upto the expectations built (within me) around my photography skills.
I felt today morning that its not a time sensitive hobby. You can never allocate 1 hour a day and still hope to click great photographs.
D. I am unhappy since I am pursuing time conflicting hobbies. Cycling and photography both are best done early mornings or evenings around sunset.
E. I am unhappy for missing true and sincere appreciation. But then I know I don’t have a click that will call for appreciation.
My basic assumption that ‘I Know’ is more of a perception and far from being close to reality.
Because I don’t know why I like photography. Because I don’t know if its some other issue that is impacting my photography.
I don’t know if I was sincere enough in my efforts at photography. I don’t know if I am reasonable with myself while listing the reasons.
I don’t know why I am NOT unreasonable with myself.